Ok, I can explain…
Why hasn’t there been new posts since 2019?
Understandably, there’s a pretty big gap between my last written post and this one given the world and everyone’s lives were grinded to a halt due to a global health pandemic back in 2020.
Fast forward to 2022. Lockdown in Melbourne has well and truly ended. Most of us were back outside as we attempt to reclaim the precious time we lost and start creating adventures and memories again.
Being an avid theatre and comedy goer, of course I immediately jumped back onto the scene. I was ecstatic to see shows and was ready to get this site running again, sharing my love for shows and write positive reviews. I thought it was going to be a breeze and it would be just like old times. Well, that was the plan…
I suddenly found myself unable to write anything. I couldn’t think of ways to express what I was thinking. I enjoyed a lot of shows and there was no doubt in my mind I wanted to share my love and appreciation of them. I had my rough notes written on scrap pieces of paper but for some reason, I could not for the life of me conjure up words or build on those initial notes and put my thoughts together.
It was a very strange feeling and difficult to explain/describe. All the ideas and words were technically there, but it’s as though a constant haze was in my mind, blocking my view. It felt like all the thoughts were there, but they were always just out of reach or all jumbled. Everything were at the tip of my tongue, but nothing was coming out.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t expand on my notes or thoughts. I couldn’t express how I felt about the shows, how much I loved them and/or how amazing the performances were. Whenever I try to write, nothing would materialise.
Writing used to come so smoothly for me – How I want to describe the talents; express how magical the sets are and/or how the performance made me laugh/cry – Honestly, words used to be my best friend and they would come to me whenever I needed them; but in 2022, it felt like they all left and I was alone.
As hours turned to days and days turned to months of emptiness, my stress level increased exponentially. The stress fuelled my anxiety and I struggled hard to write and produce meaningful (and from the heart) positive reviews. Soon, my patience (for myself) also went out the window. I became more and more frustrated at myself; I felt like a complete idiot… an utter failure. Nothing was coming to mind and everything was tied in knots at the same time – What was that simple word that means that thing I’m trying to write? What’s that common phrase again? Why can’t I think of the words? I know what I want to say (it’s there, I can feel it)…so why can’t I translate them into words on paper?
I became essentially creatively paralysed. I started getting panic attacks when I couldn’t express or gather my thoughts. I even cried over not being able to think of a particular everyday word that I wanted to use (a word I definitely would know but it simply would not generate in my head).
Some people in my life told me I was silly to stress and get so worked up about this. They said things like ‘It’s not like you get paid for this, it’s just a silly hobby…honestly no one really looks at it anyway, right? You shouldn’t take it too seriously…Do yourself a favour and just close the site, problem solved…’
While I did start this initially as a hobby back in 2008 – This has since become a big important part of me and it holds a special place in my heart. It brings me a lot of joy whenever I get to write something I enjoyed watching – Knowing I get to share the positivity with whoever finds the site and reads the posts. I know I don’t have a big audience base but if my positive reviews can bring even a speck of joy/brightens the day for one person (be it someone looking for recommendations or a cast member from a show), then it’s worth it.
Hearing people tell me to give up was the wake-up call I needed. They reminded me why I started and loved doing this in the first place.
I soon realised that if I wanted to continue this positive review site, I would need to step away from writing. I would need to take a break, recharge, embrace and allow for self-care and self-compassion (no matter how long it might take). I would need to acknowledge that taking a break from writing is not a sign of failure but a proactive step towards personal growth.
And so, for the next year or so, that is exactly what I did. I continued to watch shows (maybe write a few rough notes here and there on how I felt etc) but I didn’t write any actual reviews. I relieved myself of any pressures and decided to simply let the amazing shows rekindle and reconnect with my creative energy; to reignite and resuscitate (zap it back to life if you will) the creative side of my brain; to clear that haze in my head and inspire my words and thoughts to come back to me.
So what does the future hold?
Fast forward now, 2024. Although I’m still struggling at times, I’m feeling maybe 87-88.7% like my old self again.
This year I’m going to try and get some posts up – they may not be ‘review’ per se (they might be more reflections) depending on when I can get the posts written and published but they’ll still be positive.
As I mentioned, all the shows I’ve seen between 2022 and 2023, I do have rough notes and initial thoughts written on scrap pieces of paper…I even have some unfinished drafts written from back then…I do still want to share my thoughts on them so I might look back at them if I have the time and perhaps finish them and post them as reflection/revival pieces…but I’ll see how I go.
I definitely still love writing positive reviews and sharing/recommending shows I’ve enjoyed to the wider community. I want to continue this site for many more years to come. What I’ve learnt is that I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself when it come to posting. I’m going to take it easy and have more realistic, structured goals.
If you’ve made it to the end of this post and/or if you’ve ever read and/or supported my older posts, THANK YOU for your support and patience. I’ll do my best and continue to bring my positivity whenever I can.
Stay tuned
Lots of love, no longer hanging by a thread
Josie (Tea Addict)
Tea Addict's Reviews 